h

h
Stark zu sein bedeutet nicht, nie zu fallen. Stark zu sein bedeutet, immer wieder aufzustehen! Stark zu sein bedeutet durchzuhalten und für seine Träume zu kämpfen. Stark zu sein bedeutet, ehrgeizig sein und seine Ziele zu verfolgen. Denn nur wer Stärke hat, kann auch durchhalten & sein Ziel erreichen. Stark zu sein bedeutet nicht mehr so leicht an Dingen zu verzweifeln. Stark zu sein bedeutet es den Leuten, die euch schwach machen wollten einen Denkzettel zu verpassen. Stark sein beginnt mit Selbstbewusstsein und einer guten Ausstrahlung und endet mit Selbsthass und Zweifeln.

We all have something to hide, some dark place inside us we don't want the world to see and this is mine.
“Ich glaube, das schwierigste am Überwinden einer Sucht ist,sie überwinden zu wollen.Ich meine, es gibt doch einen Grund dafür, dass wir abhängig werden, oder?”

Seiten

21 November 2011

Lass mich fallen, ich bin hoffnungslos.

Ich habe mich selbstverletzt um zu sehen ob ich noch fühlen kann.
Ich konzentriere mich auf den Schmerz.
Das einzige was echt ist. 
Die Klinge reißt ein Loch. 
Der alte gewohnte Ablauf.
Versuche alles zu vernichten, aber ich erinner mich an alles.
Was ist bloß aus mir geworden?

Wie wahr der Spruch ist. Es stimmt. Ich habe die Klinge wieder durchgezogen. Viele Narben schmücken meinen Arm und brennen. Ich habe Angst, dass es meine Mutter sieht, aber es hat gestern so gut getan, dieser Schmerz, diese Befreiung. Sie wird es schon nicht sehen. 
Heute wieder zu viel gegessen, wieso kann das nicht aufhören? Ich fühle mich so unwohl, heute wieder die Klinge einsetzten? Vielleicht lerne ich dann endlich aus Fehlern.. Ich hab solche Angst mehr als 70 kg zu wiegen, ich will nicht auf die Waage, das würde mich nur mehr kaputt machen. 
Ich packe diesen verdammten Mist langsam nicht mehr, Mia lass mich endlich allein! Ich will wieder zu Ana! Ihr wisst doch gar nicht wie schlimm das ist. Ich bin jeden Tag am Ende, will gar nicht so viel Essen und Kotzen will ich erst Recht nicht! Es ist diese Stimme in meinem Kopf, die mich einfach nicht in Ruhe lässt. Jeden Tag vor Schulschluss ist sie wieder da und flüstert mir zu wie schoen es wär zu essen, und was mir Ana alles nicht geben kann. Hör auf!
Wenn mein Freund was von meinem Arm wissen würde, denk ich dass ich ihn los bin. Er weiß nur, dass ich Bulimie habe, aber wenn er wissen würde wie kaputt und verstört ich bin... wenn er wissen würde wie das mich alles runterzieht. Ich will ihn nicht verlieren. 


best of the day: Schatz gesehen...
 Jason Walker- Down ( cover)




:*

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